To Ayim:
"You were my friend
Look at us now
Our paths reached a dead end
Sensei, I wont bow
You were there when I needed a hand
I moved as freely as you allow
But now I'm counting to ten
I will leave, no matter how
Thanks for your love and patience
Now thanks for your hate and vengeance
I take it from all dimensions
I've learnt it from your lessons
About the world and its relations
The spotlight was always on you
About being right and so true
Now you wont give in without a fight
And what am I supposed to do
You thought I've humiliated you
Tell me, who's embarrassed who
This world is full of sham and taboo
You motherfucker armed with tattoo
Love it cant be forced
I never wanted a divorce
You're a breaker of laws
An underworld god of Norse
What's his name? It was Loki
Now dont confuse it with Lutfi
You think you had won the trophy
By going steady with me
Now you call me your foe
Your fiend, you enemy-- I know
Speak for yourself and go with the flow
Live your life, I'm out of the show
I plead you to stop calling me on my phone
I'm scarred all the way to the bone
I just want you and your clone
To fucking LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
~An-Shannah Shanirah
Ayim confessed that he likes me. But he is aware of my whatever-ship with Lutfi.
I dont know what to think.
Ayim is nice. But I cant love him.
Lutfi is great. Incredibly sweet. But I, um... I dont know. I like him too. A lot a lot. I am falling for him. It's just that I HATE to admit it when I miss him.
I dont wish to hurt anyone. SOmebody help me. Ya Allah, help me!!
Lutfi doesnt want competition. Does it mean he's letting me go? Sadded.... And Ayim said he wished the best for me and Fi... But I know what he's like. He was practically telling me that all guys are a bunch of fuckers who want to betray me. He was telling me that Wak Din is an ass and everything else...
I dont know what to do or say. I am thankful that I am liked, and at least I know I am not entirely hated.
Lutfi, I think I'm in love with you.
Ayim, you'll always be my best friend no matter what.
Uddin, please dont leave CSC.
Afai, you will be missed greatly.
Wak Din and Fazli, thanks for your PK videos. And I AM NOT WAK DIN'S GIRLFRIEND. But still... thanks for sending me home sometimes.
And...
MONOCHROMATIC STAINS-Dark Tranquillity
There is this face in the still water
I can't remember ever wearing
Like fingerprints on your heart
Reading out the last lines of code
To the untrained eye a secret
I bled away the last of you
Sought trust in shapes of combined results
that trickles from a less than solid case
Fought off attacks of resurfaced lust
Burn the gracing grounds
What will give in first
the body or the lash
Monochromatic stains
Who will cave in first
the leader or the fake
Monochromatic stains
This pile of ashes of a soul
informant pokes abound
These sickly little fingers
Get away from me
Tread not the path of least restraint
each piece of evidence a lie, a lie
The body, the face all items in place
I don't remember a thing
A sacrifice made to the loss of mind
Folly a man's demise
Track now the stains that allow my fall
sickening, the sight of it all
Never shall I claim my innocence
I just was not there
